


Huntresses and Hobgoblins

by Ryumaru



Category: RWBY
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons, Gen, Humor, Role-Playing Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:25:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5685589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryumaru/pseuds/Ryumaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaune attempts to run Dungeons and Dragons for Team RWBY. "Attempts" being the key word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Huntresses and Hobgoblins

The ring of steel on stone echoed throughout the sunken crypt. The sound would have been comparable to an earthquake in the stagnant, gloomy air, but it was just one of many pieces of the orchestra of violence that had erupted. 

There was another ring as the huge form of a mighty dragonborn, clad head to toe in glinting plate mail, crashed into the wall. She maintained her grip on her sword, despite the pain splintering through her aching body. 

It had been a simple job. Go into the old crypt, chase off any wild animals that had taken up residence, get paid, go get drunk. But no, there had to be... complications. Complications in the form of ogres. Huge, ugly, ferocious ogres, sick of the gamey meat of rats and whatever scraggly vegetation they could find. A party of adventurers was tender and succulent by comparison. 

One of the hideous brutes charged the dazed warrior, sensing weakness. Before she could raise her shield, it had charged across the room, hitting her in a full-body tackle that knocked the wind out of her and the blade out of her grasp. As she struggled to regain her breath, she could see the glistening threads of drool on the ogre's lips, beading between its teeth as it opened its mouth wide, hunger barely contained- 

-and a shriek of pain erupted from it as a sheet of flames fanned across its back. The ogre dropped the dragonborn, turning to face the slender elf that had attacked it. Snarling, it began to advance-

“Oh that is just _not fair_!” Weiss exclaimed, gesturing furiously at the dice. “Do you _see_ how much damage I rolled?” 

Jaune sighed. This fight had gone on for thirty minutes too long, all because Weiss hadn't learned the rules of the game properly and wouldn't back down when he corrected her. 

“Yes,” he said patiently, “but you rolled your damage before the attack roll. Again. You have to see if you actually hit it, first. And you rolled too many dice.”

“Alright, fine.” There was a clatter as a die hit the table. “There! With the flanking bonus from Yang-”

“You don't get a flanking bonus, Weiss. Yang's character was pinned.” 

“He's right. Kinda hard to flank attack someone when I don't have my sword.” 

Weiss glared at Yang. 

“It's okay, though. I think you still have enough to hit him.”

Jaune checked his notes. “Yep. She's right. Okay, _now_ you roll damage.” He handed Weiss the proper number of dice. 

“What? On _these_? But-”

“That's the damage the spell does. You're a low-level Sorcerer, Weiss, you don't do a lot right now. I told you this when we started.” 

“But I... oh, alright.” She took the dice and rolled them with bad grace. 

“Oooh.” Yang winced. “That looks....” 

The ogre dropped the dragonborn, turning to face the slender elf that had attacked it. Snarling, it began to advance, only to realize the burning pain had lingered on its head. It dawned on the monster that perhaps snacking on elf would not extinguish its now-burning hair. 

This moment was all that was needed. An arrow struck from the darkness, piercing the ogre's throat. It stopped, wondering where the wooden shaft had come from, and then staggered forward, crashing to the blood-slicked floor. 

“Yes!” Ruby pumped her fist in the air. “Sneak attack critical!”

“All set up by my ingenious plan.” Yang smirked, congratulating herself. 

“Yeah, tanking the ogre with your face really helped out.” It was impossible to tell if Ruby was being sincere or sarcastic. “And Weiss set him up perfectly!” 

“Yes. Well. Glad I could be of assistance.” The heiress muttered something under her breath about kill-stealing. 

Blake, however, had her mind on other matters. “Uh, guys? Still got...” 

“... a problem over here!” shouted the paladin. The only other ogre standing – the chieftain of the tribe – had cornered her. She fended off its oafish attacks with expert swings of her greatsword, but sooner or later brute force would win out over skill and batter down her guard. 

Regaining her breath, the dragonborn snatched up her sword and charged, roaring, “Pick on someone your own size, rubble-face!” 

Shield met flesh with a sound like a hammer striking a side of meat. Not willing to let her opponent get its balance back, the warrior rammed her sword into its side. Beady, hungry eyes focused on her, and it hefted a club that looked as though it had been doused in glue and run through a hardware store. Jagged bits of cracked metal and rusted nails made it far more menacing than it should have been, but before it could come down, arrows of light snaked through the air and unerringly struck home, sizzling the beast's flesh. 

Another arrow, this one of plain wood and steel, pierced the chieftain's shoulder, bringing the pain of its wounds from irritation to maddening agony. It howled, eyes flushing red with rage. With a vicious lash of the ramshackle club, both paladin and fighter were knocked off their feet. Clearly berserk, the chieftain brought the club down on the prone dragonborn, failing to pierce the solid breastplate but causing drastic harm nonetheless as she was almost driven into the stones by the force of the blow. 

Before it could finish what it had started, however, the raven-haired paladin rose, surging with heroic effort. A bash with the pommel of her sword, which had started to glow, got its attention. Then, surging with holy fire, she plunged the blade into the ogre's stomach and upwards, driving it as far in as she had the strength to push it. 

The players at the table stared. 

“Blake,” said Jaune, slowly, “how did you manage to not only roll a natural twenty, but roll perfectly on all of the damage dice?”

Blake simply shrugged. 

Ruby was bouncing with joy. “Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh! That's the best roll I've ever seen! That's it, I'm never playing this game without you, Blake.” 

“Okay, moving on,” said Jaune, still amazed at her luck, “ahem... the ogre chieftain falls, eyes wide with shock....” 

Groaning, the dragonborn rolled over and slowly got to her feet. “Ugh,” she muttered. “Remind me to have someone enchant this armor.” 

The paladin smiled grimly. “Once we get back alive, sure.” She helped the dragonborn stand, healing energy flowing through her gauntlets into her companion's body. 

“Oof. That feels great. Think you put your hands on me like that more often?” The question was accompanied by an outrageous eyebrow waggle. 

“Ew ew ew ew! Yang!” 

“What?”

Ruby made a face. “Quit flirting with Blake in-character! It's distracting!” 

Blake shrugged impassively. “I don't mind, really.” 

“Well still, it's distracting me and Weiss.”

Weiss looked confused. “I don't-” 

“Yes you do! Now come on, we've got to finish this.”

“Well,” said Jaune, “you've killed the ogres and finished the job, so this is probably an okay place to leave it for now.” 

“Nope!” 

“Nope?”

“Nope!” 

Jaune rubbed his eyes. “And you're saying that because...?”

“We still haven't done the best bit!” 

“And that would be...?”

“The looting!” 

“Of course....” 

A shadow moved past the rest of the party, ducking through a doorway. The shadow surveyed the room, examining it for the most likely places the ogres would have hidden their treasure. Kicking open a chest- 

“NO!” 

Ruby looked startled. “But-”

“No, Ruby.” Weiss sniffed. “The last time you opened a chest without checking it for traps, you almost got us all killed.” 

“But-” 

“Do you want another fireball trap to go off?”

“I- no....” 

Weiss handed her a die. “Then check for traps.” 

“Alright, fine.” Ruby took it, muttering something under her breath about traps making things less boring.

Checking the chest for any signs of traps, the shadow found nothing, and kicked it open with a satisfied grin. Looking at what was inside, it grinned. “Yes,” it said to itself. “These will help my dark quest for vengeance.” 

“Are you done being creepy over there?” asked the dragonborn. “Because I'm tired and really want to go get paid.” 

“No,” snapped the shadow, “I'm not done, and I'm not being creepy. I'm _brooding_. I have dark thoughts! And a need for vengeance, and things like that.” 

“Alright, whatever, just hand over the loot.” 

“But my dark quest!” 

“Can wait, because momma needs a new magic shield. Now bring the stuff out here.” 

Grumbling, the shadow hauled the treasure chest out of the storage closet. 

The pickings were a bit slim, with ogres not being the brightest or most successful loot hoarders, but there were still some useful things. A handful of silver coins was distributed evenly amongst the group. A heavy warhammer was slung across the dragonborn's back, ready to serve as a backup weapon. There were a few potions, which the paladin identified as healing ones to the group's relief. Lastly, there was a glittering necklace with little baubles of gold. 

The sorcerer reached out to examine it, but the shadow snatched it up. 

“Ahahaha! Yes! A magic necklace! This shall be perfect for-” 

“Ruby, do you even know what it does?”

“Well, um, clearly it's magic, and it'll do... cool... things?” The girl looked sheepishly at the rest of the table. 

“It could be something you don't need, like an amulet of constitution,” said Weiss. 

“Or it might be a holy symbol of some kind,” said Yang. 

“Or it could be cursed,” Blake helpfully pointed out. 

“Okay, okay. Weiss, identify it.” 

There was an icy silence. 

“Um... Weiss, identify it... please?”

“Better.” 

The sorcerer took the necklace. “Hmmm,” she said. “I think I've seen something like this before. Let me just....” She ran her fingers over it, muttering a few arcane words. 

“Ah! Yes! This is a necklace of missiles!” 

The words had scarcely passed her lips before the shadow snatched it back. “Perfect! Now, I'll just try it out on that rock over there....” 

“Ruby. Ruby, no.” It was too late, however. Yang's warning fell on deaf ears as her sister declared exactly how she was going to test out her new toy. 

The shadow wrenched one of the baubles off and hurled it at the rock. 

Five minutes of panicked dice-rolling later, the party limped out of the dungeon, with the paladin carrying the warhammer and the dragonborn hauling the shadow, hog-tied, slung over her back. 

“What?” whined the shadow. “We all survived!” 

The sorcerer wordlessly extinguished a bit of her robe sleeve which had still been smoldering. 

“Okay, we're a little singed, but we know it works, right? Right?” 

“And that,” said Jaune, packing up his things, “is where we'll leave it. I'd love to keep playing. Really.” He coughed. “But I do have, um, homework. Yeah. Sorry.” 

Yang raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said you did your homework already.”

“Oh! Oh no, it's not mine, it's, um. Ren's! Yeah!” Jaune smiled frantically. “He asked me for my help on Doctor Oobleck's history thingy. Bye!” He bolted for the door. 

Back in the dorms, Jaune collapsed on his bed. While he did love the game, sometimes Ruby's hyperactive playstyle meshed very, very poorly with his meticulous campaign notes, and the problem was only aggravated by Weiss refusing to learn the rules. They were his friends, and he loved them dearly, but sometimes a guy needed a break.

Nora leaned over him, blocking out the ceiling light. “Heya, Jaune! I've got a question for you!” 

Jaune rubbed at his face. “What is it, Nora? I've had a long day, so if it's something big....” 

“Oh, no, nothing big. Just saw you playing that game, and it looked like fun, and I was wondering if... you could... teach....” She trailed off, watching Jaune sprint for dear life down the hall. 

“Huh,” she said to herself. “I guess that means he doesn't want to teach Pyrrha how to play.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I wrote because I had a need for some dorks being dorks in my life. Yang and Blake are totally into it, by the way. Pity Weiss isn't good at remembering rules and Ruby is... well, Ruby.


End file.
